FRIDAY, 4 FEBRUARY, 2000, PHILADELPHIA

I’ve been a horribly naughty slutty awful person for the last week. It’s great. I feel ten years younger, even if I look 20 years older. But it takes its toll on my day-life. I have not a soupçon of interest in being at work today, despite the good mood everyone’s in, the beauty of the campus in the snow, and the king cake that Terry brought back from McKenzie’s in New Orleans the other day. (I got the plastic baby! Woo! Still tired though!) So today I’ve been emailing the URL to the Real Doll™ web site to pretty much everyone I know and watching the responses roll in. Real Doll™ is a company that makes sex dolls. Or Abyss Creations makes Real Doll™. Or something. Yah, yah, boring, boring. Inflatable girlfriends are passé, I know. But these are different. They are made of pure liquid silicone and, like, iron robotic joints or something. A 5'8" Betty weighs something like 382 pounds… “Oh honey. Put your arm around me. Unnnnngh! Can’t! Breathe! Must! Remove! Arm! From! Neck! Lights! Going! Dim! Call! 911!” So these ridiculously mammarial ooze-filled fembots that weigh as much as a Steinway and boast just the same amount of ‘tonal purity’ cost a mere $5k+. They come in different races, different faces, different wigs, body types, tit sizes, shaved/stubbly, whatever. They’re working on a male Real Doll™ that the public is eagerly anticipating. And with little wonder! I just don’t know. I’m a remarkably tolerant, open-minded person. I believe everyone should have at least three kinks they wouldn’t dare divulge to their parents. (Except for me of course. Ya hear, mom and dad? Totally kink-free. Uh-huh.) And no kink is too bizarre as long as it doesn’t hurt nobody, right? Am I right? I’m right here, right? But gracious Mary, Mother-to-Be! Over five thousand dollars for a dolly? Do you have any idea of the killer computer system one could buy for that money. Or, hey, yummier yet, a nice colour laser printer. Or a car. Or a trip around the world, ferchrissakes! Elastic – flesh can withstand over 300% elongation Heat Resistant – can withstand over 300 degrees heat Water Resistant – solid construction Stain Resistant – nothing sticks to silicone flesh Durable – long life silicone rubber Lifelike – anatomically correct, parts molded from life-casts Realistic Feel – pliant and soft in all the right places Odorless and Flavorless Flexible – wide range of joint movement Sexy and Pleasurable – provides effective aid to sexual fulfillment Safe – no risk of disease, nontoxic Convenient – always ready & available Relaxing and Comforting – provides stress-free companionship Affordable – cheaper than most alternatives To the above, Kallistí observed, “Hey! The perfect date!” (I like my dates able to stand 300% elongation.) (Provides stress-free companionship?) Sex makes people so silly, don’t you think? Maybe it’s better to play with a doll, so no one else sees how silly you’re being. I wonder if they ship the dames in a coffin-like box, or put them on a plane with a note tacked to their bra, or what? Anyway, I ordered one. I’ll let y’all know how she turns out.