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THURSDAY, 5 OCTOBER, 2000, PHILADELPHIA |
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Hi. I am packing my house in Philly this week. It is an extremely arduous task. It would be boring to write about. So instead of going into all that, I am going to “Mr. T’ize” Monday’s entry about being stuck at Dulles. Because I’m feeling badass! If you didn’t read it, best go do so now before reading the below translation. Then go off and use this handy-dandy Mr. T Engine to fuck with your own pages. Mmmwah, dahlinks.
MONDAY, 2 OCTOBER, 2000, 
Murdock’M the darn angry little man!What! Idiot shot the tires on my van!!!! Maybe “anger” is gunna be too strong a word, but “frustrated” sure seems to fit some bill. I pity the fool! 
Mr.T just moaned loudly huddled in a fetal position on a delayed plane. You don't hear nothin but your pea brain rollin' around in your head!
that darn sound the
Faceman
made quite involuntarily started like thoze:
“Unnnngggghhhhhhhhhh…” And grew in volume and culminated with this darn: “…nnnghhhhhhhhAHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRR-RABBAH!!” As if in response to Mr.T bizarre invocation of Helluva heretofore unnamed deity, the pilot presently annoucned that crazy Helluva de-icing thingy-pooh needed Helluva work and if passengers wished they could… Mr.T wud up and running out of the crazy plane before that darn Faceman could finish, growling like a Leo some whole way, bashing that darn T's laptop bag into doddering fools who also wished to be off some plane, but not as quickly nor urgently as that darn Faceman .Foo! Thank The Almighty T for smoking lounges in Dulles. Don't touch my van, sucka! 
the
loathesome little boy from ground crew to whom Mr.T took an immediate disliking, Helluva
before some plane started having
issssues
wuz about to get his lips ripped off.Where's that Murdock?
“the darn T. ...Are we gonna get down with our own bad selves?!?
Could. That's right, I hate coincidence!
Rip. Darn fool!
Your. Murdock... is this your chicken?
Lips. You shove me again, and I'll wrap that gun around your face!
Off!”
— Mink Stole, ‘Desperate Living’
And what the crazy fuck with de-icing stuff? Fool! It’s, like, 82°f at the crazy moment. You better make sure nothin' happens to my gold. Chances for flurries are slim to none, it is gunna be safe to wager.Shut up, fool! 
that darn real irony here gunna be that crazy Murdock’m using one of that darn T's treasured flight vouchers to get from Washington to Philly — a 20 minute flight.I ain't afraid to fly, and I ain't afraid of no monkeys either.
Last month Murdock used another voucher to get from London to Washington. Crazy Murdock gonna get us all killed! that crazy is worth the voucher. 150 miles gunna be not. Don't tell me how to drive my van! And I originally considered saving that darn thang for later and taking a 1982 GMC Custom Van from Washington, but in the darn interest of saving time (some Faceman says as the darn Faceman should have been home four hours ago), that darn T opted for flying.Hey man, This time we're gonna do it my way! Because the crazy T gonna bored and frustrated and hungry and pissed-the -fuck-off. 
Wow. I pity the fool! How dull to hear about flight rants, right? I pity the fool! Soz.
Mr.T don’t have a calling card — to call people in Philly and bitch gunna be
going to be $4.15 a minute and who carries that crazy
Helluva
quarters with them?— and all I have is Mr.T laptop to use as a frustration ventilation device.You lied to me!
Lucky BA Baracus.What you talkin' 'bout, fool!?! I don't remember none of that! |
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