The Marquis’Intimate Diary

MONDAY, 4 SEPTEMBER, 2000, EDINBURGH
Scene from my movie, written under the influence of Badjuju.


Cruisey Cemetery

SCENE 4 — FADE IN — Edinburgh. Cemetery. Sloping hill of gravestones and crypts and little roofless “tomb-rooms.” Holyrood Palace is seen in the distance.

Continual shot: MAN #1 walks into frame. Camera follows him strolling slowly around gravestones. MAN #2 approaches. MEN Nos. 1 & 2 check each other out and continue on in opposite directions. Camera follows MAN #2 now as he continues searching. Approaches MAN #3. They nod at each other and begin walking towards a tomb. Camera follows them into secluded stone room along a long line of similar tombs. MEN Nos. 2 & 3 begin kissing and caressing each other in crypt. Camera lingers. MAN #2 removes MAN #3’s shirt and sucks on his nipples. Camera backs away and approaches next tomb, peeking in. It is empty. Camera moves on to next tomb. MAN #1 is standing receiving a blowjob from kneeling MAN #4.

MAN #1:
(Grunt, grunt, grunt) Oh yah. Yer gonny sook oan mah boaby like ah telt yeh. Sook that sweet fattay, Jock-o! Mmmm…

Camera lingers. Eventually MAN #1 turns to camera startled and annoyed.

MAN #1:
(To camera) Dae y'mind?

Camera backs away and approaches next tomb. We HEAR grunts and moans. Camera moves on to next tomb and peeks in. MAN #5 is on all fours while MAN #6 is shagging him from behind roughly. The two men grunt and swear loudly. MAN #6 eventually turns to camera.

MAN #6:
Fook oaf yeh!

Camera backs away and moves into next tomb. Amidst growing weeds, discarded cans of Tennent’s Lager and used condoms and lubricant paquettes is a folding table covered with a red and white checked gingham table cloth. On table is a silver tea service on a silver tray and a three-tiered silver tea caddy containing levels of cakes, buns and sweets. In one chair is POSH WOMAN in tea dress with high lace collar and pearls sitting with impossibly perfect posture. She is stirring her tea with tiny silver spoon and with pinky erect. The other chair contains POSH MAN in impeccable evening wear, tail coats, etc. He is helping himself to a mille feuilles daintily off the pastry tray. He takes a small nibble appreciatively. POSH MAN and POSH WOMAN exchange a look of haughty contentment and superiority. POSH MAN looks about the tomb idly and espies the camera.

POSH MAN:
Just a moment if you please. We’re nearly finished.

Camera backs away and ventures to the next tomb. We briefly peek in and see MAN #7 stripped and fettered to shackles on the wall of the tomb. MAN #8 is whipping him barking threats of further punishments. MAN #7 is whimpering despite his erection. Camera backs away and begins to move on to next tomb.

FADE.