The picture to the left has nothing to do with nothing. Best to ignore it.
Know what’s important? Two things.
- A good signoff line for letters and email.
- To constantly behave in such a manner that people back away from you with a combination of amusement and terror.
I have found a way to kill off these birds with one fell swoop, whatever the fuck a “fell swoop” is supposed to mean.
I have been using a new signoff line to close email and other correspondence. A nice, friendly, warm sentiment that should fill the recipient with happiness and put a chipper little smile upon their faces — y’know, turn that frown upside-down? — yet still somehow it causes people to back away from me, make a sign of the cross, hiss, whatever.
I love you,
le Marquis
When I write to mom, it doesn’t faze her much. She’s so spoiled, she may even have come to expect it. Cheeky mum.
For other people, like, say your casual IIF’s or your coworkers, this signoff line has a much more desired effect.
Example:
Dear Bob,
To configure your computer to the new KeyServer specifications, simply go under the Chooser, select “Key Access”, click “Configure”, put in the proper IP address, then click “Log on”. Close the Chooser and you should be set.
I love you,
Marquis
Or how about…
To whom it may concern,
I am enclosing a parking ticket which I believe I have received in error. Although the plate number referenced on your correspondence does match the plate number on my car, your records should show that my car is not a Pinto. I suspect the meter maid failed to fill out the state box. Check Ohio or New York for the same plate number.
Furthermore, I have never been to, much less parked in, Pittsburgh. Please remove this blemish from my record and confirm with me when this has been completed.
I love you,
le Marquis Déjà Dû
Why not make the world a slightly more friendly place, right?
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