Yesterday’s entry caused a deluge of truly pissy email from any number of my loyal-or-just-bored-at-work readers, some of whom I had erstwhile never heard. (I’m suspecting I have in excess of 22 readers now! Maybe even 25!)
Anyway, the jist of all the emails was the same. I meld and paraphrase:
Dear Marquis:
If you have to be so damn chipper and gay, could you please try to keep it in your pants? We are not accustomed to such ebullience on this site, and your random and inexplicable diary entry of contentedness and pleasantries was not welcomed — not by a far, far cry, mister!
In the future, please don’t rub our glum faces in our own mucky-muck mire by pointing out that you are a smiley-wiley-sparkly-warkly. We read your pages solely to feel better about ourselves by confirming there is someone more fucked up than we, and who has a steadier stream of shittier days and manickier mood swings. We watch soap operas and trashy talk shows for the same reason, incidentally.
To sum, monsieur, if you can’t say something not nice, then shut up dumb-dumb-head-poop.
We wear black on the outside, ‘cos black is how we fee-heeel on the in-hin-side,
Readers Nos. 4–15 inclusive
Fine then. Be that way, you sourpussies. Now you’ve made me sad and miserable again, which I realise was probably your intention, but I’m feeling contrary and will not be bullied into writing more “Spelunking in the Chasms of my Ennui” for you big bully heads.
Smelly monkies.
Actually, ha-ha, I’m kidding. I’m still happy and chipper and (truth be told) fancy-free. No reason really. Nice spring day. Whatever.
Anyway, I would hate to sully your already dour moods with my incessant chirruping, so instead I will point you in two directions at once, and see which path you take, Robert Frost.
- Go read Brad Pitt’s actual online diary. It’s absolutely amazing. Who knew he was so deep?
…orrrr…
- Go compare fan letters written to N’SYNC — one by Lees™, one by Horsemanure®.
I think they’re both pretty much saying the same thing.
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