SATURDAY, 19 FEBRUARY, 2000, PHILADELPHIA

I just went to the supermarché. While my fizzywater and green tea and frozen fatty foods were being scanned, a mis-shapen man in an lemon-hued electric go-kart with tri-focals clanged through the doors and accosted my checkout lady. "Hey Shirley! Why did the elephant swipe the toilet paper?" "I dunno, Carl, why?" "Because he was a party poop!" "Ohhhhh, Carl. That's a good one!" Carl buzzed off towards the produce aisle. I stood there stunned. "Debit or credit?" Shirley asked me. "Debit or credit, sir?" "Um, Shirley?" "Yes?" "That ... wasn't a very funny joke." "Oh, I know. Debit or credit?" "Cash, honey."