| MONDAY, 10 JANUARY, 2000, PHILADELPHIA |
Scene from my movie… SCENE 17 — ESTABLISHING SHOT of “Gallery Lima”, a posh SoHo-type art gallery on an attactive city street. It is a crisp Autumn day. Colourful leaves blow down the sidewalk. We see A MAN walking by the window display, pausing, thinking about it, then entering the gallery. A SALESWOMAN dressed smartly and stylishly approaches the MAN in a quick and confident stride. Good afternoon sir. Are you looking for anything in particular? Oh hello. Yes, I’m thinking about purchasing some of your lima beans. What would you recommend? They’re really quite popular this season. May I ask what price range you were thinking of? Oh, something in the low 60’s, I would think. Fantastic. Y’know, I can tell you’re the kind of person who’s owned lima beans before. Well, yes, one time. And were you happy with your acquisition? Well, yes, I admit it was somewhat thrilling in a way. Pride of ownership, I guess. Y’know, I appreciate that! You seem to me the kind of man who knows the investment value of his lima beans. Now if I may ask, would you like your lima beans for the home or for the office? Home. Though my wife may object to such extravagance. [laughs guiltily] Y’know, I APPRECIATE that! But I tell ya’ what. [leans in and whisperes in a conspiratorial manner] It might make for a helluva pleasant surprise, if you know what I mean. [nudges MAN] Hmm… I see… I mean, why wait for holidays or birthdays? A gift of lima beans given spontaneously can really get you far! [winks] I like it. I like it. But I have to tell you, I think my wife actually may prefer snap beans. C.U. of SALESWOMAN. Her expression is suddenly a light mask of anticipation and dread. She steals a quick glance out the window. We see the gallery across the street, “Chez Snap-Bean”. There are several CLIENTS in the foyer speaking with the smiling SALESMAN and gesticulating at the products displayed. I CAN APPRECIATE THAT! [some of her carefully and intricately arranged hair is falling out of place] We’ve all gone through that snap-bean phase, back in ‘93. Didn’t last long though. Like the Pet Rock. And the market crash on snap-beans — WOW! Remember that? Yah…that was a real tragedy. So snap-beans are over, huh? Just between us? [glances about empty gallery to check for intruders.] I think so. Current social, cultural and economic trends point to lima beans. They make great groundcover, y’know. Groundcover! Really! I never would have thought. AND Y’KNOW I CAN APPRECIATE THAT!!! [she leaps and screams maniacally, then smooths herself out after a pause.] I’m sorry. But yes, groundcover. Some people put an inch or two in the back yard, but I find that 3 inches really is best. Certainly helps to break a fall. Well! I’m astounded! Who knew! I can see that you’re going to buy some lima beans today, so whaddya say. Shall we talk brass tacks? Welllll…there is a problem of a monetary nature… [hisses and spits and jumps screams and howls] YOU KNOW, I CAN REALLY APPRECIATE THAT!!! We’ll help you finance your purchase. So what say? Let’s close this fucker! If you’ll just step into our back room… SALESWOMAN and MAN exit. [FADE] |
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